A few months ago John and I engaged God’s will as he planted us in a new church in the city we live in. We spent the last 5 years learning God’s word & applying His correction over our for individually and as a family but we were missing something. I remember being at such a loss for words crying out to God daily “why do I feel so empty?”. We had a consistent prayer life & we both have great relationships with our king. I called on the Holy Spirit each morning before my feet hit the ground. My every morning ritual was balanced with sipping coffee and diving into God’s word. John and I actively prayed together, discussed the Bible, prayed with friends as well as engaged the word & prayer with our kids. My heart whispered there is more. Before I knew it I was feeling depressed & empty more often. I was broken & melting inside. Where is the fire? What am I doing wrong? What am I missing? Why can’t I hear your direction?
Have you ever felt so close to God yet so far away from Him? Here I was losing hope that the deep yearning to be fulfilled would ever be satisfied. About 3 weeks into this internal battle John and I visited a well know Holy Spirit filled church for Father’s Day. It was here I began to hear God loud and clearly. I began to follow a series of instructions given by the Holy Spirit allowing me to dive deeper into God’s word as well as a deeper relationship with the Trinity. It was during this Holy time that God guided our Family to a new church & calling. I have experienced the Holy Spirit deeper than ever before. Before now I would have not been able to explain the lack of joy, peace, love & worth. I knew I was missing something, but in coordinating all of the right steps through the years I could not find an explanation for my hollowness.
Sometimes we find ourselves in places with no answers & in places where hope seems lost. God reminded me having no answers we find ourselves in a place where we can only trust Him. I didn’t understand why I felt a void in my life so I searched for God more. I was serving and praying for a purpose yet I was still empty, with no answers, so I opened my heart even more. So much more than I finally laid my entire being on the altar. It was here I received the fulfilling of the Holy Spirit more than ever before. I learned that the Holy Spirit can only fill where you empty yourself. Before this moment as soon as the Holy Spirit came to me I would accept and stay in that moment. This time I was so empty I wept for more. The holy spirit came and I continued to cry & yearn, praying in the spirit, praising, dancing, singing & anything my body wanted to do. In this moment the Trinity became a realistic part of my life. I could finally see and feel My Father, My Jesus & My Comforter & I understood the need for each in filling my spirit & needs.
We can get so mixed up in the process of life that we postpone our worship and praise life. To be honest, the more I praise and worship the more God pieces things together without me! God doesn’t want us to be in control. So many people are afraid of laying on the altar, letting go or praising with abandon because they do not want to lose control. This will eat you from the inside out. These tools of freedom are a gift. The world & its expectations can have us so bound that we are tormented with perpetual grief, depression, anxiety, and fear.
In the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to him who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence.Hebrews 5:7
God has given us the ability to praise freely & worship with abandon. If you are missing a part of God the Father, Jesus the son & the Holy Spirit you will find it with this gift. I pray for a fulfillment in your life deeper than your heart can even imagine in Jesus Name Amen!